THE MOVIE ADDA

The heroic Leonidas, armed with nothing by leather underwear and a cape, leads a ragtag group of 13--count ‘em, 13!--Spartans to defend their homeland against the invading Persians (whose ranks include Ghost Rider, Rocky Balboa, the Transformers, and a hunchbacked Paris Hilton--no one is safe when the Spartans take on the biggest icons in pop culture).

Casts:

After a number of years in L.A. playing small parts in "Cheers", "Quantum Leap", "21 Jump Street" and other shows, the tall (6'2"), strapping winningly grinning Bader got a break when director Penelope Spheeris cast him as the heroic but dense and accident-prone biker hero "The Searcher" in a 1993 installment of the broad spoof show, "Danger Theatre". Spheeris soon thereafter gave the actor even…

Best known for his portrayals of handsome, square-jawed action heroes on the small screen, the 6' 3", long-limbed Kevin Sorbo’s most recognizable role unquestionably remained his starring turn as the titular lead of “Hercules: the Legendary Journeys.” The actor with the Viking-like build had the last laugh on critics when, after "Hercules" wrapped, he went on to star as hero on yet another…

After attaining considerable fame in hip-hop circles as a member of the legendary New York City group Wu-Tang Clan, Method Man enjoyed a phenomenally successful second career as a solo artist, and to a lesser degree, as an actor in film and television.Born Clifford Smith in Staten Island, NY, on April 1, 1971, he spent much of his childhood shuttling between the homes of his separated parents…

Sean Maguire	Leonidas
Tony Yalda	Sanjaya Look-A-Like
Ike Barinholtz	Bond Villain/Prophet
Hunter Clary	Leo Jr.
Nick Steele	K-Fed Look-A-Like
Carmen Electra	Queen Margo
Kenneth Davitian	Xerxes
Travis Van Winkle	Sonio
Phil Morris	Messenger
Belinda Waymouth	Twiggy Look-A-Like
Dylan Smith	10-Year-Old Leonidas
Dean Cochran	Rocky Balboa / Rambo
Jon Cruz	Dancing Persian / Spartan Soldier
Ivan Velez	Dancing Persian / Spartan Soldier
Oscar Orosco	Dancing Immortal
Mark Albert Rappaport	Puppeteer
Todd Minobe	Puppeteer
Aina O'Kane	Puppeteer
Kurt Smildsin	Councilman
Sheena Chou	Pretty Girl
Courtney Young	Pretty Girl
Paige Peterson	Hot Orgy Girl
Chris Moss	Leonidas Double – Dancer
	Paula Double – Dancer

story:
“Meet the Spartans” gets off to the sort of start that might make a B.C. warrior want to jump off a Thermopylae cliff.

Vomit and breaking-wind jokes, and an old woman getting hit in the face and losing her false teeth — all in the course of the first five minutes. Talk about “Greece-ing” the skids.

Surprisingly, however, “Meet the Spartans” — a satire with a framework of spoofing last year’s “300,” which attempted to seriously tell the story of King Leonidas and a force of 300 men fighting the Persians at Thermopylae in 480 B.C. — gets better.

Not really a heck of a lot better, but enough that when the end comes one is looking at one’s watch in shock. My, the time has flown. The movie has a listed running time of 84 minutes. But unless my watch is way off, “Meet the Spartans” is a good deal shorter — or more Spartan in length — than that.

Which is also good. It’s a pleasure to be somewhat conned by the movie-makers because if the movie had been any longer the rot of the first five minutes would have undoubtedly returned to set in. But within about 60 minutes or so, “Meet the Spartans” is capable of offering a few smiles, the occasional gag that works, and an atmosphere of generally harmless instantly forgettable silliness.
Speaking of forgettable, what “Meet the Spartans” really sets out to satirize are a host of American 15-minutes-or-so of fame icons. “American Idol,” Britney Spears, Subway “eat fresh” sandwiches, beer commercials — you name it.

Leonidas (gamely played with a straight face by Sean Maguire) encounters these figures and objects in various shapes and forms on his way to Thermopylae with 13 — as opposed to 300 — brave Spartans. The bravest is his captain, but Kevin Sorbo looks a good deal less happy to be part of this scene, and in a way who can blame him?

Back home is Leonidas’ queen, Queen Margot, in the alluring figure of Carmen Electra. She is perfectly cast for a film such as this, combining sexiness and vacuousness. It says something about the state of the modern American movie that Electra has been getting a lot of big screen work.
But stealing the show — if, in fact, there is a show to be stolen — is Kevin Davitian of “Borat” fame as the over-size Persian king. Davitian actually is amusing in the scenes — or rather, skits — that he’s in, including playing an unctuous “Let’s Make a Deal” game with Leonidas.

Let us not, however, get too carried away. The spoofs and skits miss much more often than they hit. It is obvious that the co-directors and writers Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer — who last year had some commercial success with “Epic Movie’ — think they are very funny. As Basil says disparagingly in “Fawlty Towers” to someone over impressed with his own humor, “Read a lot of Oscar Wilde, do you?”

Satire is really too big a word for Friedberg and Seltzer and “Meet the Spartans.” “Monty Python” this isn’t. “Saturday Night Live” this isn’t. Scenes can get set up with some cleverness, but then the script can become almost unbelievably juvenile. And usually, the denouement or punch line to a scene is equally ham-fisted, composed with all the subtlety of a thud.

That said, the supporting cast is well cast and squeeze out what humor they can from the various situations. Maybe some of these actors will end up on “Saturday Night Live.” Particularly impressive is Nicole Parker, who we see in a number of incarnations including Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Paula Abdul. Her take off of Abdul is especially sharp, and she and Jim Piddock as Simon Cowell and Christopher Lett as Randy Jackson do the panel to perfection. More, in fact, could have been made of their talents.

Still, less proves to be more. There can be little doubt that a good deal of material must have ended up on the cutting room floor — which, given what ended up on the screen, is where it belongs.

The end result is that “Meet the Spartans” abruptly decides to get off the stage while the going is … well, if not good, still within the realms of possible forgiveness.

You can look at your watch and exit the movie theater with a smile on your face for more than one reason.